Washington Post Article

I was just going through some of my e-mail messages... Not the ones from work, but my personal account. I currently have 183 that need to be read, deleted, forwarded, etc. Anyway, my mom had forwarded me this article from the Washington Post. I was going to just post the link, but I thought the entire article was worth posting here. "Carolyn" is a Dear Abby type writer.

TELL ME ABOUT IT ®
By Carolyn Hax Wednesday, May 23, 2007; Page C10

Carolyn: Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.

Tis the Season

BUSY. That is the only word to describe the past two weeks. I think I’m at a point where I can actually take a deep breath and relax a little bit. There’s still lots to do before Christmas, but I think I’m going to make it!

Thanksgiving marked the first big event of the season. Nine times out of ten we spend Thanksgiving in Atlanta and have lunch at JoJo’s. This year was different. Jason and Christy had just had Jackson, so traveling was going to be a little much for them. And believe me, I completely understand this! So, we had Thanksgiving at our house as it was much closer for them. We had a pretty nice crowd of eleven. There was so much food, and I wish I had taken a picture of all of it before we started loading up our plates.

Scarlett & the Turkey

Mom, Lauren, Jackson, & JoJo

Jason, Larry, & Uncle Glen playing darts in the garage after lunch


Jackson & Scarlett

Scarlett wearing the Indian headdress

As soon as Thanksgiving was over, the Christmas decorations came out of the attic. I had to get this place decorated ASAP since Ed and Katherine’s Engagement Party was here the following weekend. In preparation for this, Scarlett went to stay at my mom’s Thursday through Sunday. This gave me a couple of days before the party to get things done and have a babysitter during the party. Joe and I missed her so much, but I think we needed a break.

Scarlett watching Joe put together the tree

Scarlett right before we took her to meet my mom

For the past year we have been planning to go eat at Del Frisco’s, our most favorite steakhouse. Every single time we’ve planned to go something has come up. One of us has either been sick or we didn’t have a sitter or whatever. Anyway, our night finally came. Of course when you have such high expectations for something, it never turns out the way you anticipated. We fought horrible traffic on the way there because of some stupid wreck and then I was served the WORST STEAK EVER!!! At $50 or so per plate, it should have tasted heavenly. Well, I had to stop myself from eating after hitting a piece of gristle. I couldn’t believe it. I eat steak about one time per year, and this is what I got! I didn’t send it back, but Joe did tell them that I didn’t like it. Luckily they didn’t charge us for it. I do think this was a random case for the restaurant. We haven’t banned them, but I do think we’ll be going somewhere else the next time we go out for steak.

Saturday night finally came, and the party was fabulous! I’m pretty darn sure that everyone had a great time!!

The food! And check out the decorations hanging from my chandelier. This would be compliments of my cousin Lauren.

The Hostesses: Shelly, Me, Autumn, & Evone

Me & Katherine

The late-nighters: Autumn, Evone, Ed, Katherine, Vance, & Tim

Me & Joe

We wrapped up our weekend by going to breakfast Sunday morning with Katherine, Ed, and Autumn. Then we headed to Sulphur Springs to meet my mom and pick up Scarlett. Of course Scarlett had fun with her Gran Jan and Papa Larry. They had fun too!

Did I forget to mention that two days before Thanksgiving it was decided that I was headed to the Boston area for a work presentation? So in the mist of planning Thanksgiving and the party, I was getting ready for a presentation and a trip out of town. Don’t think that I was upset about the trip because I wasn’t. I love this customer and was looking forward to seeing them. I was also planning on eating a big lobster upon my arrival. The cost of living is much higher on the East Coast, but you can get the best seafood for dirt cheap! It ended up being a quick trip, but it was a good one. My flight home got canceled, but that ended up being a great thing!! I arrived at the airport about three hours before the flight, so there was enough time to catch the earlier flight home. I got home late Wednesday afternoon and had some time to spend with Scarlett before she went to bed for the night.

The next morning Joe headed to Nebraska to pheasant hunt with Uncle Jim and Randy. So, Scarlett and I are now spending some time together, and we’re having FUN! I took her to meet Santa at the mall yesterday, and then we went to my company Christmas party later in the day. Santa was there too!! Scarlett is very laid back, so Santa didn’t bother her at all. I think we’re headed back to the mall today to try and make a dent in the Christmas list. There hasn’t been much time before now to get the Christmas shopping done.

Scarlett & Santa

For those of you thinking that I look like I’ve gained a bunch of weight from pictures above, you are correct. Joe and I are expecting Baby #2 in May!!! As always, there’s a lot going on at the Farner House.

Hopefully I’ll have time to blog again before Christmas. If not, Merry Christmas to you all!!!!